Theme Song: Adventureland
I have a concern that started after my divorce, when I began to live la vida single, that has resurfaced as a result of my recent heartbreak.
The concern is this:
What if I die alone and unloved, eating catfood from a can?
Two acquaintances, when I mentioned this concern, asked me if I have a cat. I initially thought cat ownership was irrelevant to this concern (I mean, you don't need a cat to own catfood), but it started me thinking.
First of all, my cat eats dry food. I was thinking, definitely, catfood from a can. I had never even considered crunching away on the dry stuff.
Second, my cat eats organic catfood. It might be cheaper to die alone and unloved, eating Big Macs.
Third, I guess, technically, the eating catfood from a can part of the equation is optional. I mean, I guess while I'm dying, alone and unloved, I can eat whatever I want.
Some people tell me this won't happen to me, anyway, because I have children. To this I say, "What if they become drug addicts or their partners don't like me?"
Others say, Anna, you're attractive, intelligent, creative. . .to which I say, "I know, but I think we all know attractive, intelligent, creative women who fly solo." I will admit, though, that none of them eat catfood -- to my knowledge.
I will also admit that there are worse things than dying alone and unloved. For example, dying surrounded by people who don't love you. Or who hate you and are eating catfood themselves.
Something else occurred to me: If I'm really committed to the catfood thing, I should start taste testing it now. That way, when the time comes to be alone and unloved, eating catfood from a can, I'll know which brands and flavors I prefer and can stock up (please see theme song, above).
In fact, to be truly alone and unloved, I will actually have to stock up. Otherwise, I might not be alone because I could be at the grocery store purchasing catfood and die of a sudden heart attack which would mean, technically, that I died neither alone nor actually eating catfood.
Finally, what if I end up genuinely liking not only catfood (even the crunchy kind), but my own company as well? Then dying alone and unloved eating cans of catfood starts to look pretty good.
See? You never know.
What about you? What's your worst case scenario?
OK, that was hilarious. Great post, Anna.
ReplyDeleteOne of the things that keeps this fear at bay for me is the knowledge that my odds of dying (not to mention living!) alone and unloved were precipitously higher within my marriage than at any moment since I walked out the door. So once you know that-- well, everything's a crap shoot, but most of life is not as cold as an unloving marriage. Strangers are kinder.
I fall in love with the dearness of people on a regular basis. Why should that let us down in some imaginary future?
I agree, fully. That's why I got a divorce. Yet the illusion persists...I, too, fall in the love with the dearness of people on a regular basis. Somehow, how the Catfood Spectre haunts me. . .
DeleteJust write that man right out of your hair. Well done!
ReplyDeleteOn a serious note, the question to ask is whether I am comfortable enough with myself that if I am suddenly informed of my imminent death in one second I can die reasonably content. It is not what you happen to be doing at that moment, it is how you've lived your life, that counts. And if living life has led you to produce writing like the above ... sorry, lost my thread, I'll go open up another can of cat food and a pack of bandaids for my tongue.
"Feed the census"?
ReplyDeleteHi Ranjeet,
ReplyDeleteHmmm, I am not sure exactly where you were going with this, but I'm glad to have your input. Thank you for reading my blog and I hope you'll stay tuned.