Inner Reptile: The Case of Mick Jagger & Richard Simmons

Theme song: Start Me Up

Friends, I ask you this: Is Mick Jagger actually sexy or is he just so gross that he makes gross sexy?

Or maybe it's that Richard Simmons is so sexy he makes sexy gross. Could that be it?

I know these are tough questions to answer. While you ponder them, I would like to take this opportunity to confront you with something you probably haven't considered, which is the very likely truth that Mick Jagger and Richard Simmons were separated at birth.

At first, I know, it seems unlikely, coming from different countries as they do. Simply compare the two videos, though, and you'll see what I mean.

It's a case, not so much of good cop, bad cop, but of shiny cop vs. scaly cop. Each of these men manifest the Inner Reptile in distinctly different ways, yes, but it is the Inner Reptile that proves their relationship to one another.

Further proof? Medium brown hair, short stature, trim and fit bodies, brown eyes. Love of music and dance. Large and devoted followings. I think you're with me.

Now that we've exposed this surprising scandal, you'll be wondering just what the Inner Reptile is.

The Inner Reptile is a scantily clad man who gyrates to music for profit.

Some, like Richard Simmons, do it in hot pants. Others, like Mick Jagger, do it in white pajama bottoms and tight tee-shirts.

The take home is the same: Their profit, our pleasure.

If you go in for that sort of thing.

Your Turn

Can you think of other Inner Reptiles? Let us know in the comments.