Victim, Victimizer, or Savior? Why Be One When You Can Be All Three

Theme song: Victimiz****

Friends, I re-learned something new over the weekend.

I kind of knew it already, but it struck me in a new way.

Here goes:

I think you've all heard of the victim mentality? It doesn't sound pretty, I know. The whole idea is to blame everyone else for your problems and lack of progress towards your most cherished goals. It can even extend into not allowing yourself goals. Bummer!

My new news is that if you are victim, you are also a perpetrator. And if you are a victim, or a perpetrator, most likely you are also a savior.

What do I mean by this?

I'll give you an example:

Say you have a partner who drinks too much. You know it's bad for him or her (savior), so you try to get them to stop (perpetrator). They don't stop, so you feel bad (victim).

Here's the take home: whenever you think you know better than someone else about how he or she should live his or her life, you are are a victimizer. But you are also a victim because you are wasting your own time. And you will probably end up being further victimized by inevitable backlash. When you try to save people from their behavior because you know better, you are on a superiority trip.

And guess what? You probably don't know better.

The pitfalls?

It can be really compelling to think that diabetics shouldn't eat sugar, alcoholics shouldn't drink, and people without enough money shouldn't gamble.

It's important to understand that, until your house is in complete order, until you are perfect and never over eat, over drink, or over spend, you aren't in a position to judge what other people do. No matter what the leading experts say.

Here's my advice: Save yourself. Figure out what you really, really, really want out of life -- and grab it!

Then move onto the rest of the world.

Here's my request: Can you please call me, text me, or email and me remind me to take my own advice?

Second thought: Don't do that. Let me keep making mistakes until it becomes too painful to repeat them. I'll learn. I know I will!

****This is a crazy young people's song by Linkin Park. Not exactly my regular fare. The title is appropriate, but I suggest this music only if you want to find out what young people are up to today or or you really like punk. Or maybe now you're curious.