Am I Good Enough?

Theme song: Everything's Gonna Be Alright

Am I good enough?

Am I pretty enough? Fast enough? Rich enough? Do I do enough (that I think I can answer in the affirmative. Am I doing the right things well enough? It's not so sure).

This question of good enough may be an odd thing for a 45 year-old woman to be asking. I mean, at 45, how relevant is pretty? I'm not, after all, trying to attract a mate with whom I can breed. I am, certainly, not even out at the bars trying to pick someone up. As for fast enough, I get where I'm going . . . .

Rich enough? That's the million dollar question. Most anywhere in the world except where I live (the beautiful Bay Area) I would hover between well off and decadent.

As for good enough, normally I wouldn't pose this question at all until I was so sure of myself that, no matter what anyone else said, I would have already satisfied myself on the point. I'd already have concluded: I'm good enough and maybe better than you.

However, in a moment of rare (public) vulnerability I'm here to admit that I'm going through a period of self-doubt, revolving mainly around how to grow my business to the next level.

You know the A- answer. It's when, in an interview, someone asks you for your worst flaw and you say you're a detail-oriented perfectionist who gives too much at the office. With flaws like that, your employer doesn't need strengths. Am I right?

Now, for the A- answer. I feel self-doubt because . . . . I'm doing more of the right things and achieving more than ever. It's just that the stakes and standards keep getting higher. Businesses are like children: they grow. Good enough has become a moving target.

Fortunately for me, I practice yoga (am, in fact, a certified yoga teacher). Certain of my teachers describe yoga as a laboratory for living. The way you react to obstacles and ease on the mat mirrors how you react in the "real" world.

Something I learned, observing myself in the laboratory, is that as soon as a pose gets easy, suddenly it isn't. The stakes don't exactly get higher when one is using muscle to move bone, but the standards do. As my abilities grew after the first 15 or so years of practice, so did my vision of what was possible and thus the need to expand into this new vision, and, ultimately, exceed it.

I came to know so much more about my mind and body, and about the subject of yoga as a whole. I could sense nuances unavailable to myself as a beginner and I felt more "at one" with the inner spaces of my body and being. Things, however, have a tendency to change. I may know more about my body, but it's older now and the demands on it are different.

So it is with life. As soon as something gets easy, suddenly it isn't.

There is, of course, a thing called mastery. Like good enough, mastery is a moving target.

Mastery is compelling because it brings with it the calm assurance that, whatever the storm, you can weather it. Mastery is about knowing how to approach problems -- no matter what your industry or creative pursuit. Mastery is about putting one foot in front of the other and getting back up again when you've been knocked down. Mastery is sensing joy and feeling a desire to continue (or an inability to quit), even during the rough patches.

I feel I've mastered yoga because I know that yoga is in me and cannot be separated from me. Yoga is available to me no matter the circumstances. This knowing gives me calm assurance -- at least in the laboratory.

Mastery, of yoga or anything else, is definitely not a problem free state (Death is the closest thing I can think of to a problem free state and those who know me know I believe in reincarnation so "problem free" is likely the 30 seconds or so while the gods are flipping channels to see where and how you'll end up next. Have you been naughty or nice?).

Mastery, perhaps the ultimate form of good enough, involves relative ability, the karmas and dharmas of change and environment, and the selfsame cycles of birth, death, and rebirth that govern all things natural (meaning, of course, all things).

It would be nice to feel I am a master of SEO copywriting, online marketing, and small business management, but I don't -- not this week. It isn't pleasant, as you know, to wonder, "Am I good enough?" but it is where yoga comes of the mat.

Mastery of yoga means I know I'll get through this. And probably be better for having done so because SEO copywriting, online marketing, and small business management are, after all, simply forms of yoga and therefore more laboratories for living.

If self-doubt is in my air, why not go into the laboratory and start observing? Find the roots of the "good enough" question.

As my meditation teacher says, "Just observe."

Since things are so busy here, I'll take my observations in the to go cup which spilleth over.

Your Turn

How do you get through those "Am I good enough?" periods? Everyone's been here, so don't be shy throwing around the personal stories and useful insights.