Cultivate Courage To Be Yourself

Theme song: The Miracle of Love

A friend sent me a book recently called The Courage To Be Yourself. In a sense I felt it was an unnecessary gesture because, honestly, I feel quite courageous -- it's one of the things I like the most about myself -- and also unusually willing to be who I am.

We can, however, all use improvement in this critically important area, so the book inspired reflection about what it is to be yourself and why it is a good idea.

Collective Forgetting

There is a collective lack of wisdom circulating around our planet. I'm sure you've noticed it in the form of fiscal cliffs and global warming -- if not the obesity epidemic or child slavery. Pick an issue. They all emanate from the same sad place.

It's a place of lack of understanding regarding, and courage to connect with, who you really are.

Wisdom And Positive Behavior

What we need now is wisdom and positive behavior. Self-love is key because wisdom cannot be acquired without it. Maybe you don't believe me. Maybe it seems logically untrue -- I can just hear my ex-husband saying something like, "self-love is a necessary, but not sufficient, condition for . . ." You get the idea.

But ask yourselves: in all of our archetypes, where is the Self-Hating Wise Man? He's not there and that is because self-hatred is not wise.

It's sad to think how fast we fall out of love with ourselves. In yogic terms this is the separate sense of self, or ego. In biblical terms it is the fall from grace and the shame of leaving the garden of Eden.

You see it even in very small children who ask, "Mommy? Is this good...?"

We feel aggressive and unsure because being unloved, especially by ourselves, is deeply destabilizing and frightening.

We try to protect children from self-hatred by improving them:

• Good schools
• Lessons of every kind
• How to behave

And we unleash a constant campaign of criticism and control against the adults we love. How can we accept them if we cannot accept ourselves?

And so we say:

• You are too short
• Your breasts are too small
• Your nose is too big
• You aren't political enough
• You are too middle class

But what we tell other people is nothing compared to what we tell ourselves, sometimes not even using language.

We pass opportunities by or sabotage ourselves when they come. We eat too much, or not enough, and succumb to addictions of every kind in order to avoid the truth about ourselves, which is that we have forgotten who we are and we are wandering, with great thirst and hunger, through a wasteland of illusion.

The open space is littered with fast cars, bad relationships, new clothes, trips to Paris, drunken nights, long days spent working. . . .

The Dalai Lama is said to have asked, in confusion, "Why do Westerners have low self-esteem?"

My answer is that it's a misguided luxury we have afforded ourselves through centuries of abusive behavior that has resulted in now dwindling material comforts and vast spiritual voids.

Of course, it looks like us against them, North vs. South, rich vs. poor, and that is one of the most powerful aspects of the illusion.

One of my teachers, S.N. Goenka, says, "When you hurt someone else the first person you hurt is yourself."

This is true, yes. For example, poor behavior could hurt your reputation thus resulting in potentially fewer resources of all kinds for you and your family.

But, more importantly, poor behavior degrades you, and everyone, spiritually.

Why?

In yogic terms, knowing the self is actually union. No separation. It sounds like a New Age cliché, so it's practically embarrassing to bring it up.

But, this union, which is oneness with everyone and everything, that characterizes who we are is both true and deeply profound in its implications.

What it means is, everything I do to myself I do to you. And everything I do to you, I do to myself.

Take a deep breath. Please read the previous paragraph again. Ask yourself if you think it's true. How you answer that question, with any luck at all, has a profound effect on your behavior.

Loving yourself is loving everyone and hating yourself is hating everyone, resulting in the violence and abuses of power we see all around us.

Self-love, then, is important because it generates the good and wise behavior that lifts us all.

What Can We Do?

Now we can make the slow climb back to self-love and self-knowledge.

Maybe it will be harder than losing 150 pounds and then getting in good enough condition to run a marathon in 6 hours. Probably it will be much harder than that, given how sleepy, delusional and lacking in courage the average person is.

Here's what we'll do: We will go to therapy, we will develop a spiritual practice, we will, of course, endure the accidents and miracles of life experience. We, in the words of the great Sinèad O'Conner, will cultivate "ruthless compassion for yourself and everyone."

Courage Must Be Cultivated

Courage must be cultivated, and this will require discipline, effort, ingenuity, compassion, observation, acceptance of what is and, through it all, a sense of joy.

We must rediscover ourselves and love, in all senses of that term, the true meaning of what we find ourselves to be.

Definitely we will be flowing against the stream of individualism, and we will, at times, feel even more alone and misunderstood than we already do. When this happens, call me (or message me on Facebook), and I will comfort you and encourage (and by this I mean, lend my courage to) your efforts.

Rediscovering yourself will not be a selfish endeavor. Loving yourself is an offering to all of humanity.

Your Turn

Please share how you cultivate the courage to know yourself. On this one, friends, we need all the collective wisdom we can get.