Amour -- The Film

Theme song: Ich ruf zu Dir, Herr Jesu Christ BWV639

If you read the comments accompanying this YouTube video, you will read "you would cry but you don't know why."

Another Beautiful Kind of Heartbreak

I love that!

But this post covers another important topic, which is the heartbreak of death from old age after a life of affluence, success and love.

You see, we can't get away from it. No more how fortunate we are, our hearts break.

Amour -- The Film

Here are some of the reasons this is one of the best films I have ever seen:

• Emmanuelle Riva's acting
• Delicate and beautiful cinematography and
• The script's subtlety and sensitivity

The most important thing, though, about the film is its basically fearless exploration of old age and death. The French, of course, are braver about all things dramatic and melancholic than we are, but still, I am especially impressed by this wonderful film because it does not hold back.

Yes, Friends, You are Going to Die

Many people found the film quite disturbing and, yes, some were angry. The comments went something like this:

• The film is too negative
• The film is torture
• The film is too slow
• Who would want to see such a thing? And, even,
• This film is not suitable for children (yet the Terminator is?)

Please don't be angry with the film makers. It's not their fault.

I know, we're all afraid of death. In fact, in Patanjali's Yoga Sutra, he makes sure to point out, in Sutra II.9, "And the fear of death is a spontaneous feeling, deeply rooted in us all, no matter how learned we may be."

In fact I remember the moment I first understood that I would die. It was just after my own daughter's death and I was feeling very old. I decided to look in the mirror to find out if I looked as old as I felt, which I did not. I looked basically normal, which took me by surprise. But then it hit me.

The thought came, "Anna, you are going to grow old, wrinkle up and die. And that is if you are lucky. Otherwise, you will get a disease and die, or you will get hit by a truck and you will die."

Looking at myself in the mirror, I could see the alarm on my face. I said, "I don't want that!" And then I had to laugh.

While I myself don't believe in death per se, I do fear its effects.

For example, my son said to me as recently as two evenings ago, "Mommy, if you died even within three years from now I would be mad at you!" That little dude is so smart. I said, "I bet you would so I'll try not to do that." Love it when you can be on the same page.

It Spoke To Me

Those of you who know me know that, for many years, there was nothing more important to me than my marriage.

After the baby died, the intensity of my feelings for my marriage only increased. It was my core ambition to come to the end of my life having lived it within the frame of loyal love.

In fact, not long after, I was talking to my then husband and a friend of his who was having woman troubles. He didn't want to let this particular woman go, despite how poorly she was treating him, because she was so very hot.

I said, and I meant, that how hot someone is really isn't important. At the end of the day, the most important thing is whether you are with someone who will gently wipe your bottom if need be.

Needless to say, they thought I was a kook. Well, they were right. I am. But my desire for loyal, caring love is not why! It's probably more so my tendency to cast pearls before swine. But anyhoo. . . .

The dream has died. At least that version of it. I have learned, through experience, that love for others, even children, is not what brings happiness. No, friends, happiness comes from within. It's hard to find, maybe, but it is free, loyal and endlessly expansive.

In any case, watching the film brought back so many memories. I wanted to thank the film makers personally for capturing my dream on film so I could see it from the outside. And furthermore, to have it rendered so beautifully was a real gift.

The Crux Of It

The film really spoke to me because, yes, it represented an old dream of mine. But, truly, I thought, the film also represents a best, not worst, case scenario. Here are two people, very much in love, approaching the end of their lives in a fancy Parisian apartment surrounded by the artifacts of lives very well lived.

Still, it's a mixed bag. Even in the wonderful country of France, it is hard to get good home care. And, no matter how much you love someone, caring for them 24 hours per day is a physical and emotional drain. It is probably worth it, but that doesn't change the nature of the challenge.

Amour showed how love, when it is impure, when it is tinged with ego and fear of death, causes suffering. Poor little Anne told Georges, basically from the get go, that she didn't want to go through a prolonged dying process or go back to the hospital.

At a critical juncture in the film, an exhausted Georges is trying to get her to eat and drink and she is closing her lips to hold back the nourishment. Georges tells her, "Anne, if you don't drink, you will die. You don't want that, do you?" The look she gives him communicates one of the major points of the movie.

Anne does want to die, but she, perhaps understanding Georges' love for her, has been trying to stay alive. Now it has gotten to the point where the effort to live has become really unbearable. If Georges loves her fearlessly and selflessly, he will let her die.

Ruthless Love and Compassion

It is the nature of human beings to die. It is the nature of human beings to fear death.

The antidotes are love and compassion and they are everywhere around us, in beautiful abundance.

Like the man said, above, "you would cry but you don't know why."

Your Turn

Or do you? If you know why you would cry, tell us in the comments. We will comfort you.