Hindsight is 50/50

Theme song: No Fear, No Hate, No Pain (No Broken Hearts)

Just to set the scene:

I was sitting playing poker (Texas Holdem if memory serves) with a small pack of boys under thirteen and a couple of spare adults.

Upon reviewing our last round, I piped in with, "You know, hindsight is 50/50."

One of my fellow players responded with, "Weird. I thought hindsight was 20/20."

Friends, I'm here to tell you:

Hindsight is most definitely not 20/20. It really is 50/50 and I'll be explaining why in a couple of quick minutes.

First, and before I do, just for the record -- and kind of surprisingly for someone who doesn't typically enjoy playing games -- playing poker with the kids (chocolate "cigars" and flavored sparkling water "beer" was a blast).

Still, that I was able to enjoy myself was a surprise because, frankly, Friday afternoon I was in full freak-out.

Yep -- freaky Friday found Anna shut in her bathroom, sobbing, dialing kind friends with the news that my brain had frozen.

Why did my brain freeze?

I'll blame fatigue, stress and an eensy weensy little money "discussion" I have been having with my ex-husband.

Discussing money with an ex-husband and the father of your children -- let's just put it in the "not fun" category.

Other stressors include hustling to get clients.

How does one do this?

One way is to give presentations.

You know: public speaking.

According to Wikipedia, this is called "glossophobia." Others call it "stage fright." Some call it "fear of public speaking."

And did you know? 75% of humans have this fear -- to at least some degree. And, frankly, I really don't know what is wrong with the other 25%. Probably they are afraid of heights and don't know how to multitask.

The best stat yet? According to psychologists, most people have a greater fear of public speaking than of death.

I am one of them.

Which, oddly, brings me to why hindsight is 50/50.

There are three basic reasons:

1. Time distorts memory
2. Same dif and
3. People have a stake in the meaning of the past

I'll tackle each of these, in order, starting from the last one.

People Have a Stake in the Meaning of the Past

So, it wasn't fun, but, while we were having our little money discussion, my ex-husband blamed me for the end of our marriage.

Many would call that particular accusation -- apart from being somewhat irrelevant to our collective current financial situation -- a clear case of hindsight being 50/50.

The truth is, though, our marriage needed a mercy killing and whether it is more true that he pulled the trigger or that I was responsible for its slow suffocating death, hindsight being 50/50, we will never know.

And it only matters if you care whether you are the kind of person who suffocates marriages to death or shoots them point blank.

Nobody likes to feel that things are their fault. Taking responsibility is difficult in the best of circumstances. So, we remember things in a way that makes us feel most at ease with our decisions.

Pro tip: Examining your behavior and taking responsibility for it is a quicker route to spiritual freedom -- if you have the bandwidth.

Same Dif

Same dif, in a sense, is all about ambiguity. Sometimes, when things are really tough and I'm in the bathroom, literally on my knees sobbing, I wish I had my old life back.

I wish I didn't have to give public speeches (because, as you know, I fear them more than death).

But then I remember that I was miserable in my marriage.

Significant blocks of time were spent sobbing -- in bathrooms and out -- but the reasons were different.

And I remember that, in fact, I do want to give public speeches because, no matter how hard it is, at the end of the day I am excited about having a vibrant career, having money that I earn through my own efforts and facing my fears.

So, when the going gets tough, it's easy to think of the past as somehow better (or worse). But the truth is that it's basically the same.

You get up. You work. You play. You make love. You sleep. You care for your children. And, if you are like me, you spend some (fortunately not too much) time in bathrooms, sobbing.

Same dif. Six of one, half dozen of the other. 50/50.

Except for this: Living the life you are meant to live makes whatever difficulties you have wonderfully worth it to bear -- even if part of "bearing" is sobbing in bathrooms.

Time Distorts Memory

The most basic reason that hindsight is 50/50 and not 20/20 is that time distorts memory.

It's just not true that when you remember the past you are seeing it clearly.

I mean, ask any witness: Was the suspect dressed in blue, or black?

I think you see my point.

So the next time you think hindsight is 20/20, you have another think coming.

Because it's not.

Hindsight, friends, is 50/50.

Your Turn

Am I right? Or am I right?