Everybody Knows

Theme song: Everybody Knows

When I first heard the song "Everybody Knows" it came as a relief to me.

The song covers the harder facts of life, from black exploitation to infidelity to the inevitable death we -- underneath it all -- know faces us.

Yet these are things from which we all, including myself, like to flee.

This is because, if we know, the question is begged:

What are we going to do about it?

That's the part that can get a little tricky, I suppose.

When, however, you face these painful truths, fear dissipates -- or at least it does for me -- because it's replaced, at least for a moment, with acceptance.

"Social proof" also plays a role in the relief, at least according to Robert Cialdini, Ph.D. and author of Influence. Apparently, people in general feel better making decisions when they know other people have made the same ones.

"Everybody Knows" helped me feel comfortable concluding, yeah, I guess it's kind of obvious -- or at least everybody knows -- that husbands cheat on wives, marriages fail.

Somehow that realization diminished my embarrassment and sense of isolation. I was, after all, part of a time-honored pattern. Nothing personal.

The Leap to Anna Karenina

This may seem like a leap, but I believe there is another set of things that everybody knows and not everyone wants to face.

This shared, but often avoided set of truths is explored in the most excellently awesome crazybeautiful novel by Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina.

What I can tell you about this book is that it rocks and rocks and rocks.

And rocks (Thank you, Anne, for recommending it!).

The major theme is this: No one attains happiness at the expense of other people.

A sub theme is this: The human heart longs for love and connection.

You -- being part of everybody -- do know this, don't you?

So the question is, what are you going to do?

Controversy Alert

The books makes a strong connection between love and faith and not harming other people on your way to happiness.

(Who knows, maybe Tolstoy was secretly into yoga?)

I'll go further and say that to love fully is to know God. Probably other people have said that before because, as everybody knows, I'm usually the last to know.

Those who know me know I'm no celebrity, but here's the "social proof" I can offer:

When my daughter, Chloe, was born I fell in love totally and completely for the first time.

My heart broke open.

I felt a lightness of being, an ever-expanding sense of oneness, self-acceptance, willingness to serve, joy, reverential awe and a lovely sense of completion.

No. I'm not exaggerating.

Everybody knows the feeling I'm describing is a good one -- even if they haven't felt it. I mean, what's not to want?

And this is one reason why I can say with all sincerity that losing my daughter was a gift. She brought me something I had never bothered to imagine, which was the opportunity to love fully -- no holds barred.

And this is how I know that to love fully is to -- how can I say it any plainer? -- know God.

For some reason I can hear the atheists (Thea? Are you there? And, just curious, who would name a baby atheist Thea?) whispering behind my back.

Okay. So. Don't call it "God." Call it what you want. But don't dismiss it until you have learned to love fully and connect completely.

Which begs the question: What are you going to do?

Can't Beg, Borrow or Steal

I hate to say it, but to love completely requires something else atheists probably don't believe in, and that's a miracle.

Now, my definition of a miracle is this: Birth, life and death in conjunction with "special circumstances." What are they? How will you know?

The answer is: Practice. Practice prepares us for birth, life, death and special circumstances.

Your practice is about being gentle and sane and awake to your longing for love and connection.

It is about being generous and conscious enough to avoid the error of trying to be happy at another person's cost.

Your practice may be as simple as changing diapers or taking regular walks in the woods. Or it can be a little more formal -- like meditation, yoga or -- on a good day -- Christian mysticism. Anything regular that isn't about harming other people will do for a start.

Your practice will help prepare you for what everybody knows.

Why is it important to be ready?

Well, take it from me: You never know.

Your Turn

What do you think everybody knows? Or doesn't know? Or should know?