I is a Gateway

Theme song: Break on through to the other side

The spiritual path is, in fact, one I travel alone.

What about sangha (spiritual community), you ask?

Sangha's role is to provide support on what often proves to be a difficult journey.

Like giving birth to any human being, giving birth to yourself (or dying) is not a "journey" anyone can take for you or even, truly, with you.

Human transformation may be, and often is, catalyzed through interaction -- but it happens to each individual being separately.

Immediately after my daughter, Chloe, died, I experienced what I would later identify as an awakening, or conversion, process.

This was hard for certain of my friends to understand and contributed for various reasons to the end of my marriage.

My ex-husband said, "Our problem is different lifestyle choices."

Erm, "Yes, dear."

My closest friend told me, "I think you're flying, and I don't want you to go without me."

Basically crazy with grief, I thought, "Honey, where I'm going you don't want to," which turned out to be truenottrue.

Why?

Because, though I passed through Hell, I'm closer to Heaven than ever I've been. So I would say, no, I do not regret that one quite difficult leg of the journey.

I do believe in miracles and the miracle of that situation (the death of my child) was that I was ready to face it -- or maybe it was that I had no choice.

Either one -- miracle or simple necessity -- will do, in a pinch, because, to be perfectly clear, I is the hero's journey. You know: big, scary, fire-breathing dragons and s***. You probably won't go unless you are pushed.

Another, maybe softer, way to put it is how my meditation teacher, S.N.Goenka, does: "You are the author of your own salvation."

Still sounds dramatic, especially with a Burmese Indian accent, because it is.

Salvation is about love, authenticity, freedom and joy. Sounds, well, heavenly.

You tell me: What does authoring salvation require?

Patanjali states in sutra 4.34, that yoga (union with Whatever You Like to Call It if You Believe in It) results from a journey away from material concerns. Sounds complicated, I know.

What it means is that yoga, especially more traditional styles, runs counter to popular culture.

It can be practiced anywhere and, if circumstances dictate, even props as basic as a mat aren't necessary.

Contrary to your favorite lululemon ad, you don't need special clothes to practice yoga. Or music. Or nag champa -- though don't get me wrong, I've burned my fair share of nag champa and I can't say it pushed me away from enlightenment.

Yoga, strictly practiced, involves a monastic sort of life (called pratyahara -- withdrawal of the senses) but that, of course, is true for most serious endeavors. Most artists, athletes and even CEOs put long, long hours into what they do. Maybe you could even say they lean in.

Let's face it, with guidance like "don't harm," "don't take more than your share," and "be sexually responsible," well, you go against the grain of capitalism.

In fact, you are headed away from the basic workings of Western culture as a whole.

Hence the loneliness, the sense of I.

Hence the spiritual "opportunity."

Loneliness as a Spiritual Opportunity

What do I mean by spiritual opportunity?

In effect, the point of yoga is loneliness.

The point of yoga is to be alone with yourself until you know who I is.

Once you know I, I opens up like a gateway.

I think you can imagine a big, black and solid capital I.

You look more and more intensely, your eyes becoming accustomed, as it were, to the dark and, as you focus, and as you look, you see, within the I, a glimmer of light.

Following the light, you see that I is not solid. You can pass through its edges.

As you do, it brightens and begins to merge with everything.

No, silly. You are not on acid -- you've been pursuing spiritual practice for years and years (or you have been the recipient of the mixed blessing of intense joy or sorrow).

There are probably many other gateways besides I.

I is convenient, though, because it gives a strong impression of being located in the body.

You can sense I.

And once you sense I, you can transcend it.

Your Turn

What do you think? Is I a gateway? If so, does it matter?