Labyrinth: A (Short) History of Anna Colibri

Theme song: Amazing Grace

I think I may have shared with you that I'm living my 5th life.

Life Stages

To recap, I have had these lives:

1. Little girl
2. Wife
3. Mother
4. Gay divorcée
5. Sassy solopreneur

Of all my trials and tribulations I can say without reservation that this life, the life of the sassy solopreneur, has forced me to stttrrrrreeeetttttccccchhhhh -- and in ways I had never imagined when I was but an innocent little yoga teacher. It's a truly fortunate thing I understand the value of a good stretch, no?

Those who know me know my first child, Chloe, died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). Chloe's death, for all the pain, was a passive experience.

It was a radiant, killing kind of gift given me more gently, even, than a whisper.

Back then, I had time to die.

Nowadays I'm doin' so much livin' and so little chillin' it sometimes feel kinda killin'. (Did you guys know I was a closet wannabe rapper? Now you do!)

My Life As A Choice

When I launched my business, ANNACOLIBRI, I was making a decision about how I want to live. I was voting, with my feet, for me.

You can be sure I did not understand how many hours it would involve and how many comfort zones would have to be not moved "outside of" but detonated by force of will.

What's crazybeautiful, though, is how many times I've had to shake myself and say, "Girl, you are choosing this. Nobody is choosing it for you and nobody is going to do it for you."

No passivity here, friends.

This is not a radiant, killing kind of gift.

This is muscle, bone, sweat and tears. It's not the gift of death -- which to be clear certainly is a gift as far as I am concerned -- it is the gift of life.

And life, my friends, is hard.

As well as wonderfully simple, which brings me directly to labyrinths.

My History With Labyrinths

First of all, a labyrinth is like a maze, except that it is one continuous path leading towards a central point.

I never think of myself as possessing a sense of history (I leave that to Laura), but labyrinths are the exception that prove the rule -- at least in my case.

Labyrinths were rediscovered and popularized in the US by the Reverand Dr. Lauren Artress of Grace Cathedral starting in 1991. Of course it would be most poetic to say that I was there the moment she heard about them, but I came on board as a volunteer in the Grace Cathedral Bookstore in 1992, when I moved to San Francisco as a wee bonny lass.

I watched the progression from a temporary folded canvas to the terrazzo labyrinth now being remodeled in the Cathedral Garden.

When I was a married, heterosexual homeowner (see Lives 2 & 3, above), I helped fund an accessible labyrinth project behind Duboce Park. If you ever go there and check out my donor tile, note that what the photograph doesn't show is the fact that Hank -- or was it Jonjo -- pooped his pants as the photo was taken. Not pretty. Yet still memorable.

So. Two summers ago I had the privilege and pleasure of visiting the original labyrinth at Chartres, France. A wonderful experience, to be sure.

Nowadays I live just two blocks from what I call my "personal" labyrinth because very rarely does anyone but me walk it.

Thus you can see I have kind of an interesting history with labyrinths.

Why I Like Labyrinths

I love to think about things like this:

• What is the beginning?
• Where did it end?

I find it's not too hard to know if you are in the middle, but it can be hard to remember how things began -- and once they start, they influence everything that follows. (This lack of clear ending points is one reason I don't believe in death, but that's a story for another time.)

While labyrinths do have a beginning, middle, and end, they take you on a sinuous journey that looks and feels a lot like life. You know how it is: Sudden twists and turns that bring you back (almost) to the beginning, only to take you veering off somewhere you never thought you'd go, only to. . . .

How Labyrinths Help

As I began pursuing the busy, active life of a Sassy Solopreneur, I found yoga and meditation were becoming more difficult and had a tendency to feel what I call spiritually "dry."

Don't worry. I didn't give up (I'm not much of a giver upper), but the disconnected feeling was disconcerting.

Labyrinths provide an active, participatory, guided sort of meditation and prayer.

This type of practice is helpful if you are finding yourself a little strung out from constant doing.

The stages of labyrinth practice are often described thusly:

• PURGATION (RELEASING): The act of shedding thoughts and distractions enables you to let go of the details of your life. This is the time to open your heart and quiet your mind.
• ILLUMINATION (RECIVING): At the center, stay there as long as you like, sit or stand, meditate or pray. Allow yourself to receive guidance.
• UNION (RETURNING): To leave the center, follow the same path back out. There can be a strange sense of strengthening and clarity. You become more empowered to find and do the work you feel your soul calling for.

from The Labyrinth -- Grace Cathedral pamphlet

From personal experience I can tell you that, although I don't think of it as strange -- more of a relief, actually -- I without exception feel stronger, clearer and more joyful when I finish walking a labyrinth.

Labyrinths With Laura

Yesterday, friends, I was having one of those spiritually "dry" days I told you about.

Laura met me downtown and, on our way home, suggested we go into Grace Cathedral and walk the new and very beautiful indoor labyrinth.

Installed in 2007, I had never walked it. Boy! It's beautiful! And right now it's decorated with ribbons hanging from the cathedral ceiling, which creates the amazing feeling of staring up through eternity (not that all you need can't be found within, it's still a striking effect).

So: The French at Chartres (with their labyrinth built in 1201) have us for age and culture, but we, like the San Franciscans we are, got them on beauty and innovation. (Though I'm not an affiliate, I say, "Check it out!")

I walked into that cathedral feeling kind of grey and I walked out feeling a golden green sense of wonder, wandering arm in arm with Laura on our journey home.