The Greatest Love of All

Theme song: Video

The theme, lately, has been "feeling worthy".

I may have mentioned that I used to think that romantic love was the most important thing in the world. While it's true I put striving for romantic love squarely in the center of my actions, I suspected, since I began attending Al-Anon meetings after Hank was born, that the real juice was to be found in self-love.

But it just seemed too difficult. And complicated (now I see how very simple it is to love yourself compared to trying to get along with someone else!).

I learned, when Chloe died, that happiness could not depend on anything exterior or material -- if you want to be happy. In other words, happiness cannot be about other people. After all, they come and go.

Somehow, I hadn't actually put self-love and happiness together.

Lately, a friend was telling me about the Whitney Houston song, The Greatest Love of All. She said it was about loving yourself. I thought that sounded yogic -- you know, loving the True Self within. Interestingly, her mom, a committed Christian, thought the song was "Satanic." My, my that's a hard way to live!

For that and other reasons, I checked out the video on YouTube and read some comments dismissing Ms. Houston because, to the commenter, dying of an overdose in a bathtub belied the lyric, "they can't take away my dignity." I won't say whether dying of an overdose in a bathtub is undignified (much better than a toilet, IMHO), but I do think the comment missed the point.

I feel sad that she died that way, but I don't think her death was an example of someone else taking away her dignity. It is more dignified -- and true -- to hand the responsibility for this death back to her or, better yet, to the mystery that is larger than all of us.

At the end of the day, though, for esthetic reasons, I just didn't like the video. I found India Aria and am using her as my Self Love Poster Woman.

In her song Video, Ms. Aria sings, "I learned to love myself unconditionally because I am a Queen."

Yes! She is a Queen and, unless you are a King, you are a Queen, too. Or, if that doesn't suit you, be a Goddess. If that's still too much, remember how much a** you kick each and everyday. Even if a** kicking looks like you got out of bed and faced another day. Really, no one can say what anyone else's success and self-love look or feel like. The point is to set an intention of loving yourself, of cherishing yourself because you are. That's it. You are.

So come up with your own metaphor.

Loving yourself doesn't mean you are better than anyone else. Loving yourself means that we are all equally magnificent and so we can all celebrate, lifting each other up in all our collective glory.

If you are not feeling truly glorious, there are alternate ways to celebrate. I'll tell you a secret if you promise not to tell: Sometimes, when the going gets rough, yours truly magnificent stays home on a Friday night, all alone, and puts on lots of red lipstick and black eyeliner and takes selfies. The point is to keep doing the best you can.

Your Turn

How do you celebrate yourself? What's your metaphor?