Your Head is the Most Expensive Rental Market in the World

Theme song: Bring Your Greenbacks

Regular readers know that I went through a difficult period last week. A crisis of confidence, you could say.

I'm more or less back in action, but I have to say that having my confidence shaken like that was a bit like surviving a front-end collision. I'm back on track, but I feel a little shaky.

A couple of things happened, though, that are helping me regain my confidence and my sense of humor (Those who know me know that my two fundamental surthrival go-to's are 1) God and 2) a sense of humor -- and to be honest, sometimes I'm not sure which one is more important!).

An Epiphany

The first thing that happened was in the wee hours of the morning, this past Sunday (I had a great Mother's Day, BTW, so thank you all who made it glorious). The previous night I had gone to a recovery meeting and a guy there started launching in on "the gays" and how "lesbians hit on straight women at meetings." Offensive.

My normal instinct is to mentally run from comments and conflict like that. I just pretend they don't happen. Ick, whispers my brain et voilà, it's all gone.

But I wasn't alone, and the friend I was with strongly felt the injustice of the comments.

I couldn't decide whether I should take that dude's comments in or pretend they didn't happen.

Then, like I said, in the wee hours, it hit me: I don't have to choose. I can do both, using my new (Ralph, this one is for you) F*** Em! Strategy (it's patented, but you can use it, too. In fact, in lieu of letting jerks, or even people you really love, take up space in your head, I really want you to use this strategy whenever and wherever it makes sense for you).

Here's how it works: You take in the meaning, and even the feeling, of what people say, and then you realize it's all about them and you say, nice and loud, "F*** 'em!" Even if you say it in your head, it still has to be loud so you scare away stray ghosts and ghoulies.

It works really well because it helps you stay focused on the idea that people who say homophobic things, people who judge you, people who try to make you feel less than -- they have the problem. Not you (are you listening, Carissa?).

You can do this even with people you really love. You can say even say "F*** 'Em" with compassion, understanding that the people who transgress against us are even more sick and wounded than we are.

Epiphany Part 2

On my beautiful Mother's Day I went out with So Yeon and Laura, and in addition to listening to chamber music, eating noodle soup, and browsing in a used bookshop, we got chocolate cake and chatted in Hayes Valley.

As we were chatting away, I told So Yeon about my "F*** 'Em" strategy (of course Laura had already heard it). I said, "You just don't want to let people take up space in your head."

So Yeon, for whom English is a second language, said, "Yes. Because if they take space in your head, they should pay rent."

We got a laugh off that, boy. How many people do you know who are willing to pay money to take up space in your head? I mean, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

And how much is space in your head worth? I mean, would you take 1 million dollars to hear the voice of your mother saying, over and over again, "You're so selfish! If it weren't for you, I'd be able to afford new clothes and could go out whenever I wanted!" or some stranger saying, "Euw, if only she lost a little weight she'd be so cute."

What I'm trying to get across is this: your head is the most expensive rental market in the world (saying a lot coming from San Francisco, I know). So value it accordingly.

Remember, when the going gets rough, these words to live by: "F*** off -- or pay rent."

And I mean that in the sweetest, gentlest, most loving way possible. Really.

P.S. The Ethel Waters video, above, fits the theme nicely and really, truly redefines cool. Copulatin' Blues, anyone?

Your Turn

Does this strategy inspire you? What are some other ways you can think of to deal with a crisis of confidence?