Flowers Bloom On Every Boundary

Theme song: Gangnam Style

Last year I had the privilege of meeting a "kindred spirit."

This week, my kindred spirit, So Yeon Kim, is going back home to Korea. I have teased her that it's the worst decision she's ever made in her life, but her husband and son think -- get this -- that the food is better in Korea, so I'm forced to understand.

The first time I met So Yeon was on a soccer field, she was wearing black spike heels to pick up her son after practice, and I was there to grab mine. I had heard there was a new Korean family in my son's class, but my first thought upon seeing her was, She must be from Gangnam.

I was right!

I decided I needed to get to know this visiting dignitary and her family because, if there's anything that delights me more than travel itself, it's an opportunity to help visitors experience my city and country as more than just tourists. I believe that helping people in this way is a precious gift. That may sound like an exaggeration (we'll get to that), but it is the gift, not only of time, attention, and possibly affection, but of the potential for alchemical exchange and subsequent opening to more of the magic this world has to offer. My advice? Be generous with travelers -- you will get more than you give.

If I spend time with travelers, they will likely leave America with the strange, wonderful, and basically inaccurate impressions I give them about our culture. That's one fun way I help make the world -- and my own life -- a better place.

In this case, our families spent many evenings together laughing, trying new foods, and discussing things like literature or cultural differences. We were even fortunate enough to become travelers together and viewing gorgeous Yosemite by full moon. So Yeon, her smart and shy husband, Byungse, and her cute, smart, and charming son, Ahin, are lovely company.

Parting really is sweet sorrow. I know that if I loved So Yeon and her family any less, I would not mind losing their company so much. And, that, as everyone knows, is the risk the heart always takes when it loves.

Which again reminds me how hard it is to be human. Love is, I am sure, what drives each and every one of us (yes, even the evil-doers), yet every love we have will surely be lost.

Now it's time to sing So Yeon's praises:

• This girl is smart as a whip. One of her claims to fame is a 95% diagnostic accuracy rate unheard of in the field of radiology.
• This girl is ambitious. So Yeon loves her career and she strives, always, to do her best. This year, for example, she wrote 6 papers!
• This lady is charming. She in fact reminds me a little of Audrey Hepburn (So Yeon, if you're reading this I know you'll call it American Exaggeration).
• This lady is beautiful and stylish. In fact, I started copying her fashion sense. The girl is a great shopper, and I'm not. Why reinvent the wheel?
• This woman is a lovely, caring mother. My older son even confided he thinks she's "pretty cool." Not bad coming from a 13 year-old.

Just to be clear, publicly listing why you love someone is not a very Korean thing to do. At all. Which brings us to American Exaggeration.

So Yeon coined American Exaggeration because many Koreans, when they come here, are shocked by how emotionally expressive Americans are and I'm really one of the worst. In fact, exaggeration is a policy of mine. I think reality can be a little pale, so I pump things up. Or, at the very least, I try to help people experience things the way I do.

Maybe if you met So Yeon, you would think she was just an average smart, ambitious, charming, beautiful, and caring person. But I doubt it! This lady knows how to rock her Gangnam.

I asked her to share a few words about her experiences here, to give you a first hand experience of So Yeon. You will probably fall in love with her as I, and my family, have done. You will begin to send her love letters. You will plan trips to Korea. You will start following her fashion. You will consider a change from whatever boring career path you have chosen and make the move to radiology. You can't help it. That's just how radiant this lady is!

Here goes:

Hi, Anna,

I would like to express my special and sincere gratitude to you for giving me an opportunity to look back on my one-year stay in San Francisco. I’m unbelievably lucky to meet a caring, glamorous and intelligent person like you [aw, shucks! -- Editor (that's me].

It was a unique experience for me to live on the boundary between a tourist and a resident in a city in a foreign country. As crazy beautiful Anna says, it is an ethnographic adventure. I think I’ve seen a glimpse of cultural differences between America and my own country, Korea. Although I could not fully understand the differences in depth, these differences have made me view many things in a totally different angle.

The two biggest cultural differences I’ve felt in San Francisco are tolerance to otherness and how to express one’s emotion. In Korea, people are educated to think that uniformity is a virtue. Given the fact that Korea is a small country surrounded by the superpowers like Japan and China, historically uniformity seems to be important to hold the nation together. However, as a side effect of it, Koreans are generally not familiar with embracing differences and respecting diversity. On the other hand, San Francisco is the epitome of diversity.

I hope my experience in San Francisco makes me a more open-minded person.

As for expression of one’s emotions, these two countries show a huge difference like the physical distance between them.

Suppression of emotion as much as possible is traditionally regarded as a virtue. I should admit that I always think of myself as an unusually expressive Korean. When I was in Korea, I frequently encountered scornful responses to my effusive comments and emotional expressions. Sometimes these behaviors can be considered superficial and even puerile. Interestingly enough, in America I found myself never effusive enough.

Americans are not averse to expressing one’s emotion especially when it comes to positive emotion. For example, “I’m happy to travel with your family.” may not be satisfactory to express my utter bliss to travel with my friend’s purrrrrrfect family: it might sound more appropriate to say “I’m so thrilled we got to go on vacation with your wonderful family!” if I truly want to express myself to my friend (Anna, it’s SOOOO true!).

The difference in the way of emotional expression between the two countries makes me a bit confused. Although it doesn’t look easy to put emotional expression into the right-sized box according to the country where I’m currently living, I’m trying to smooth over the rift.

Tiptoeing on the boundary of cultural differences made me more mature and agile. As a Korean poem says, “Flowers bloom on every boundary” in our lives.

Dear So Yeon,

Thank you so much for your friendship as well as your charming letter.

You being here, then gone, marks a bittersweet boundary between my past and the unfolding present.

I'll keep my heart open for flowers every moment.

I love you.

Your friend,

Anna

Okay, Readers, Your Turn

Do you have any special friendships or difficult good-byes you would like to share?