Good Advice Given to a 10 Year Old

Theme song: The Only Child

My son has had the flu.

Both children say it's an epidemic which, in the age of Ebola, seems pretty serious when you put it that way. In this case, though, it's just a regular, icky flu-flu.

Because of this regular, icky flu-flu, attendant fever, and some pretty epic coughing, I've had to keep my younger son home for a few days. Stressful, yes. But if there is one thing this single mom is proud of, it's that I've forged for myself a career that allows me to keep him home with me if need be or even if I just think it's a good idea. That, friends, is what we call leeway. And I've got it!

It's really not, as any working mom knows, perfect. He's bored senseless while I'm on conference calls or he may even have to go it alone for a few hours while I go to a client meeting. Still, it feels like quite an achievement!

As he's on the mend, we've had time for some extra one to one time and a bit of conversation. I called him a little boy and he looked at me with his beautiful green grey eyes and told me, "I'm really not that little." And I said, "That's true, but I can still make a case for you being a little boy. I can even make one for your brother."

With that, I visualized my older son, so dear to my heart, who I am now calling a pre-man. He's definitely not a little boy -- he's bigger than me! Still, all manliness aside, the dude is innocent and clueless and if not entirely innocent certainly clueless. Much like a little boy with his fresh face and mood swings.

Then I told Jonjo, "A dark time is coming in which I will have no little boys at all. You'll no longer be a little boy, but you won't have a little boy, either. So no little boys for me. That could last 20 years or so."

We started talking about what he would be doing in all that time, and in what order.

Here is my excellent advice (Feel free to use it yourself (they say it's never too late) or pass it along to your own children.):

1. Figure out what you love to do and start getting good at it. Now is the time to experiment. Try a bunch of things. See what fits. Start getting good at it.
2. Have some relationships. Don't let them all be serious. Mind your manners, but have a good time. Learn who you are in relationship after you've already started to learn who you are on your own, doing what you love to do.
3. Establish some security. Security comes from having confidence in yourself, which comes from proving to yourself you can take care of yourself. Doing something you love and are good at tends to make you more successful whether you are working for yourself or someone else.
4. Have a family if you'd like. Love lasts when you love yourself and have the ability to love generously and truly, both of which require a kind of faith in yourself that can't be faked.

That's it! My son tried to say that money is most important. After all, he pointed out, you have to make a living. I told him that when you are very young, you really don't need much money. You are free to live in a variety places and live in small spaces or with groups of people. I underlined the point that doing something that you love, that is sustainable for you, really sets you up for long term success (by which I mean enjoying life because you are doing your best with the things that matter to you).

We know I didn't follow this advice myself. I fell in love first and somehow skipped the part where I could have been developing an independent me with a sense of mastery and confidence in my ability to go it on my own.

No regrets. I'm making up for lost time with a flourish! Besides, as I've written elsewhere in this blog, hindsight is 50/50.

Your Turn

What advice would you give a ten year old?