Is Serenity a Cliché?

Theme song: Feel So Different

I guess you could say I have a love hate relationship with serenity.

As a longtime recovery person, I've been repeating the serenity prayer by myself and in groups for 14 years almost exactly (this I know because I started recovering when my older son was about five months old -- an investment that has paid off richly and in countless thousands of ways. Like, for instance, I'm not in jail.).

I was surprised to find, just this Sunday, in fact, that a secret, untapped part of myself, although I espouse a desire for it, believes serenity is a cliché and that people who behave serenely are either on drugs, secretly as hostile and judgmental as I am, or just plain fooling themselves.

Not only that, but as a result of getting out of a stagnant marriage and becoming Super Action Anna, I've come to feel that, as a goal, serenity is self-serving and nonproductive. Like the Buddha, I guess, or Jesus. Two people known to be self-serving and nonproductive. Well, not exactly famous for those qualities, but still.

Come to think of it, if the Buddha and Jesus were alive today would they come off as super new agey and irritating? If you were at a corporate board meeting with them, would you think, dudes, get off the weed and develop an app or start a nonprofit? You've got a lot of rich and untapped talent. Stop sitting around with those (fake?) beatific expressions on your unlined faces and start making phone calls, already.

Probably if we were me, we would.

The other thing about serenity is that I maybe lost faith that it is possible, which probably causes me to think it is undesirable. I mean, if I can't have it, why should or how could anyone else have it? Dang! Maybe that means it's me, and not the Buddha or Jesus, who is self-serving. At least I'm very productive. I mean, I make a lot of phone calls, right? Well, I text maybe more often than I call and I also text while I call. Okay?

Still, I remain a little puzzled about how I came to secretly believe serenity is a cliché. It means being calm. How could being calm be a cliché? Unless, of course, you believe that calm people are either on drugs, secretly as hostile and judgmental as you are, or are just plain fooling themselves (see thoughts, on serenity, above).

Thinking back on the not-too-many calm people with whom I've interacted, calmness and/or serenity as sometimes shown up as symptom of mental illness or at least unhealthy detachment from reality. Perhaps I got confused between calm and numb.

It occurs to me that, all evidence aside, if I look at serenity logically, one can be serene and build an app or start a nonprofit or even make a lot of phone calls. Serene does not mean sitting in lotus position all day. That is not in the dictionary at all. Serene also doesn't mean slow. Or boring. Those aren't in the dictionary either, under serene.

Serenity, I guess, to be authentic, is not something you talk. It's something you walk.

The call to action is: At ease.

I guess I answered my question. Serenity is not a cliché.

What's your opinion?