When Your Soul is Tired, What's True For You?

Theme song: Don't Fence Me In

Do you have a secret you can't tell anybody? Do you need to get something off your mind, but your friends are done listening? Do you want to share some things that won't be flattering, but need to be said? I think each of us, in our most desperate hours, have had this experience.

When I was going through the beginning of my divorce (do divorces ever end?), I discovered an amazing San Francisco resource, a real blessing, a total angel of mercy, called the Talkline, that I still rely on today. As in, today. This morning I was feeling tired, a soul tiredness that always scares me when I feel it.

I think: I don't have time to be this tired! What happens if it's permanent? What happens if I can't go on, or have to be hospitalized? It's kind of funny, but also kind of not, to feel so isolated and neurotic. It's not pretty, of course, but most of us have been there. After speaking with a volunteer on the Talkline, I felt energized. I talked through some things I hadn't realized were bothering me, and I felt renewed enough to face my day with joy instead of dragging energy.

If you are a bay area parent, especially if you are in distress, call the Talkline. They have resources and options for every problem you, as a single parent, might be experiencing and will guide you to finding your own solutions as well. It's a miracle, I think, that in the midst of our sometimes harsh urban lives, love and care can still be found a phone call away.

You can speak honestly and openly about your struggle, no strings attached, no cash down. The people who work on the Talkline are, for me, examples of what is truly heroic about human beings. For all our flaws, there are people among us who are willing to donate their time to listen quietly to us, non judgmentally, while we tell our stories and help us be the parents we always want to, but can't every time, be.

My purpose here, though, is not to sell the Talkline (I do want, publicly, to share my gratitude. These folks have been there, and been there again, for me. My children should be thanking them, too!).

My purpose here is to ask you, one and all, what YOU do when your soul is tired. When my soul is tired, I often call the Talkline. Other things I do, when I get that soul-weary feeling, are to feel into my body and ask myself how things could be different and to take one-minute meditations. If I'm rushing, I try to find some ease within the rush, and ask myself what part of me can slow down. As for the meditations, one minute can pack a lot of healing. Try it!

If I feel worn out by my business, I try to listen in on myself, and find out why. Sometimes the answer is true fatigue, but, more often, I feel scared or angry or used or overwhelmed. I find admitting my true feelings is the first step.

I was talking about this with my still but not for long little boy yesterday. I told him how many adults have kept secrets for a long time, since when they were little kids, and how very exhausting that can be. I explained to him that the first person most people lie to is themselves. It takes a lot of courage, but it's totally worth it, to be honest with yourself. I told him it's easier to tell yourself the truth if you put no pressure on yourself to tell anyone else. You can have secrets, large and small, that you keep to yourself, but you keep them on the open shelf, well-dusted and sparkling, of your mind.

The next step, I said, is, if you have a God, you can tell him or her your secrets. You can tell God what your secrets are, and that way the burden of them is lessened. I'm well aware not everyone has a god, so this is not an option for everyone. In case you don't have a god, you can journal. As long as you externalize your secrets, you lessen the burden.

Finally, and very importantly as we humans are social, it's good to find someone you truly trust and share your secrets. This trusted person can be a therapist, or a voice at the other end of a Talkline. They could be a friend, or someone you know in a recovery program. Connecting intimately with another human being often helps us to forgive ourselves if we feel we need to be forgiven, or to realize that we don't need to be.

For me, sharing what's in my heart is very important, as is slowing things down and then feeling, and accepting, even diving into those feelings, are big helps. When I tell myself the truth, my situation almost always eases up--even when the truth is not at all pleasing.

What I'd like to know is, how do you find peace within the proverbial storm? What do you do when your soul is tired? I know there are a lot of unique ways to cope out there, so please share your methods.