5 +1 Excellent But Ridiculous Pieces of Advice For Single Ladies

Theme Song: Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)

I was talking to one of my bright and beautiful single lady friends and we were rappin' about how difficult it can be to deal with la vida single. It's like, either you don't care about them so you're cool, or you feel a certain, uh, shall we say, burning desire and then you feel like a teenager.

Okay, so it's not cool feeling like a teenager when your 15. But when you're 45? Put that one together, friends.

So, to make the whole thing a little easier and because we all know I know what I'm talking about. . . .We all do know that, right? I mean, just because I'm a divorced single middle aged mama and failed lesbian doesn't mean I'm not a relationship expert does it?

Hear me out (single) ladies.

Here is some advice hot off the press you can use in love and life.

1. It's not what they say or do. It's how you feel. Ladies, talk can be cheap and, though actions speak louder than words, they, too can be deceiving. Or irrelevant, because, for one person, a given action, such as always being 15 minutes late, is fine. For another it's a sign of flagrant disrespect.

Thus you must pay attention to how you feel to evaluate whether a relationship is working for you. Hint=if you feel drained, unhappy or unpleasantly crazy, it's not working.

2. Happiness comes from the inside. Friends, I've learned this the hard way but I know it's true.

How do I know? People who know me know that my little daughter died, which, in all seriousness, made me think I would die. I had to dig deep within myself to get through that and what I learned is that you can live without any specific one (even the most precious one) and still flourish.

We humans are built to (heart)break and built to heal. It's painfully beautiful, n'est-ce pas?

3. Focus on yourself. This is ancillary to points 1 & 2, but it's a little different and here's why: If you are living la vida single, you have to take time to figure out what you want out of life and also what life wants out of you because, baby, you're it.

Even if that feels unfortunate, and on lonely days I know that it does, there is a gift and a beauty in every age and stage and way of life. So claim yours and return the gift to the big wide world. (But first you need to know what it is!)

Love is a noble goal. Never stop working towards love and connection because humans are built for that, too.

Realize, though, that you have something special to offer. Develop it and fight for it. Don't give yourself up as you strive for connection.

4. Make like Gandhi and be the change you want to see. Don't try to find Mr. or Mrs. or Transgender Right. Be that right person.

Once my ex-husband and I went to a couple's counselor (Did you honestly think we didn't make an effort to hold that sinking ship of a marriage together? We did! We did!) who told us that both people are 100% responsible for any relationship.

If that's true, and I really think it is, you have to work towards being awesome, which may mean doing the hard work of taking deeply compassionate and loving responsibility for yourself. And I don't mean that lightly because I've been working on it for many years and still feel crazybeautiful most of the time!

5. Have some confidence. You are a strong woman and you have what it takes to do what it takes. Since you have somehow, more than once, wedged your way out of difficult relationships, you are strong enough to GET OUT (remember Eddie Murphy? Okay, if you forgot then here is a link to the post I wrote about it) if the time comes.

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6. Learn to dance like Beyoncé. This is the most important, but perhaps most difficult, tip of the bunch.

Seriously, if you can dance like Beyoncé, finding potential partners will no doubt be super easy. But, if in the off chance that doesn't work, you will be rockin' it so hard you probably won't even care.

Your Turn

Ladies (and Gentlemen) don't be shy. I, and everyone I know, needs your wisdom so drop your advice into the comments section.

Our collective humanity is what's going to make this party happen!